Bian’s Tale – Darkness Falls – third part

Here is the tenth episode of Bian’s Tale; the third part of Section 5 – ‘Darkness Falls’.

This is a short episode. This whole section ‘Darkness Falls’ needs a lot of polish. The scenes themselves are okay (I think), but as I re-read it, the section lacks one of the vital ingredients of tension – the feeling that time is running out. From the moment La Poste effectively identifies Bian in their article quoting Lieutenant Governor Hubert, there must be a ticking clock.

Even over Christmas, the blog is getting a lot of hits, but you’re mostly being very quiet, certainly in comparison to A Name Among The Stars, or for that matter, the first time I posted the first half dozen chapters of this book. Many thanks for those that have made comments.

Feedback folks. 🙂

Anyway, all that aside, here come the monsters…

< * * * >

This episode from Bian’s Tale 1 – The Harvest of Lies has been removed.
The book will be available shortly on Amazon.

 

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About Mark Henwick

I was born in Africa and left out in the sun too often. An early interest in philosophy and psychology was adequately exorcised by tending bars. And while trying to enroll in a class to read Science Fiction full time, I ended up taking an engineering degree which splendidly qualified me to move into marketing. That in turn spawned a late onset career in creative writing. When not working, I get high by the slightly less conventional means of a small light aircraft. My first book, 'Sleight of Hand' is available on Amazon at http://amzn.to/Sa0D3n

15 responses to “Bian’s Tale – Darkness Falls – third part”

  1. Wendy says :

    Well that was an anxiety riddled section. I think you are wrong about it not showing/telling that time is running out. The tension was palpable, especially now that the monsters have come out to play. Bian has taken steps that she cannot turn back from now. She has seen things she cannot forget. This is how she becomes who she is, not an Athenate (yet)- but the strength, the character, the passion that is inside her (even if it doesn’t always show in the Amber books, since she shows very little of her feelings) But this is where the tables turn and there is no looking back now. I loved this section. Anxiously waiting for more!

    • Mark Henwick says :

      Thanks Wendy. Perhaps I’m being over-critical because I’ve revised this section so many times. I need to finish the section off – there are 5.5 more chapters done and then 1.5 to the sudden and startling ( 🙂 ) end of the section. The final section ‘Revenge’ is coming along at the same time.

      • Wendy says :

        I am going to have to re-read the Amber books after this story is finished. I think I will see Bian in a whole new light.

  2. amper5andrew says :

    HI Mark. I’m glad you decided to post over the holiday period after all.

    Yes, this is shaping up nicely. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing it finished.
    We’re definitely getting the feeling of tension and events moving quickly and out of her control.

    It’s a common problem with prequels, but, I know this character is not going to die. The only thing we’re seeing is how much **** (not sure if swearing on your site is ok) she has to put up with and how she deals with it.

    • Mark Henwick says :

      Thanks Andrew. The end is coming, and things are definitely getting out of control (for everybody).

      Yes, it’s difficult with prequels, but I guess I’m trying to get people so absorbed in the story that they temporarily forget they know the end result. 🙂 Incidentally, that’s one reason why I originally decided to start so early in her life – to make Bian/Ophelie very different from the Bian of Bite Back, as if you’re reading about a completely different person. Then I slowly reveal aspects you know, and fill in bits of her personality.

      Reasonable swearing is fine! 🙂

      In terms of the way I write the characters, Amber is allowed 1 f-bomb per book, but lots of ‘shit!’ ‘cos it seems the right reaction to what gets thrown at her. Zara was only allowed one ‘shit’ in ANATS because she was well brought up (despite what she says). Bian is constrained by her society in these early books. Her language will get looser as we go.

  3. Mark Henwick says :

    What do people at this stage think of Qingzhao?

    I have tried for a very specific feeling, which I will discuss further, but I’d like anyone’s off-the-cuff reaction to her as at this point.

  4. justin says :

    I agree that the feeling of tension is less than others sections, however that is mostly due to the action scenes. Poor Bian, so few friends. Qingzhao reminds me of Electra for some reason.

    • Mark Henwick says :

      I have seen the movie Elektra. I liked it, and will watch it again now.

      I think I have to finish this section off and then look at how to get the ticking clock tension.

  5. Richard says :

    Someone is finding her teeth. I can’t wait to see what happens when she finds the strength and smarts to use those teeth correctly.

  6. Richard says :

    Qingzhao?

    She knows who she is and it doesn’t cross her mind that anyone could have any say in defining her.

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